Well, surprising to no one, I'm sure, I've already fallen behind on this once-a-week deal. I'm not even that exceptionally busy, so I won't make excuses. I just forget and my home time is really quite lazy. But congrats! Today is the long-teased lamentations of a singer with no stage! As I recall, my last post was frequently interrupted by uncontrollable moping. I guess I'll walk you through that, mixed with some various musings. Less of a travel log format today, more of a angsty journaller (hopefully not that bad!) The good news is, I'm not feeling mopey and deprived anymore!
Definitely one of the most formative realizations of my transplanted life has been the discovery of what I really value. I did not understand how much I was taking my musical and aquatic involvements for granted until I set into a routine over here and felt a monstrous emptiness inside. I am deeply indebted to some dear souls at Malone University for enabling me to have the opportunities that I have had during my years there. If anyone reading this is still in college, embrace those years! Your life is being scheduled for you around the things you love, whether it's sports, music, (both), or what have you. Real life doesn't build itself around your priorities; you have to make it happen yourself. None of that had really anything to do with current events. Sorry. So yes, a couple weeks into classes, it hit me very hard that I had no musical outlets, no musical opportunities in the near future, and no funding to make any of those more likely. If you weren't aware, I'm constantly 15 seconds away from abandoning my entire world and running away to Broadway/The West End. That's been the case for a good while, and I frequently have, and do, question why I'm putting all this effort into PT when it's clearly not the thing I love the most. I'm (usually) at peace with my theoretical arrangements and plans on this topic, but I'd always had musical endeavors on the side to maintain that balance. Apparently taking them out of the picture pushed things way past the tipping point. Sparing the gory details, I had zero motivation or interest in any of my classwork and was generally unable to focus on anything but trying to imagine ways out of the music-less death that I'd plunged my soul into.
Fun times. A byproduct of this self-imposed despair was the reassurance that my classmates are really excellent people. Even though -for the most part- I don't think they could relate to my situation, they were quick to pick up on my pseudo-depression (it probably helped that I did, at one point, proclaim that my soul was dead -...theatre people, am I right?-) and were absolutely lovely at cheering me up when I most definitely needed it.
Moving right along. That's not obviously a sustainable existance, and it forced me to come to terms with how lazy I am and how much I neglect my gifts. Without meaning to brag, I have a lot of talents (not exceptional talents, necessarily, but a wide range) and I do not take advantage of that. Things come easily to me, so I stop trying. That's become a habit, and I've gotten pretty rusty at the whole "putting effort into things" concept. But that's not going to fly in this new world where I have to fight for my right to a night at the opera (yes I referenced Les Mis. Come at me, bro.) I have lists and tabs and so many people and places to contact, and I'm going to be proactive, damnit. Because I refuse to reach a point where I'm a PT with a nice job, sitting at my desk wondering what would have happened if I hadn't stopped singing. That's not going to be me. Step one: get a job. As of last weekend, that's a check! I'm a bartender now, which is super fun and gives me crazy late shifts which, conveniently, are unlikely to overlap with either physio or musical obligations. (#1 struggle at my previous jobs was trying to find a way to fit rehearsals into my work schedule.) Step two: Find a voice teacher. This is happening as soon as my first paycheck comes in. I've already done copious scouting (although Aberdeen is not the most thriving musical community). Consider this blog my record of public accountability. Check up on my if you're so inclined. Be verbally abusive if I'm not making progress towards my goals, because I'm smart, I'm tough, and I'm more than the girl who goes home and meanders through Facebook and Netflix. I'm going to sing and do PT. I'm going to be the girl in the playbill with an MSc next to her name, even if it's just at a community theatre. Mundane is not for me. <3 More on actual life and adventures next week, dear friends. Hopefully actually next week this time.
